Hey everyone! I am sorry that I haven’t posted for a while and as often as I have wanted these past few months. This year has thrown some unexpected changes and I have been adjusting. I started this blog as a way to share products and apparel that I love with you all but I also wanted the opportunity to be honest and share my heart with you guys. Not knowing who or how many people will read this. writing a post like this can be a little scary because it does require me to be vulnerable with all of you but I will gladly share my heart with anyone who will listen in hopes that they can find comfort and assurance if they are facing these things or know of someone who is going through the same things. Perhaps the biggest change I have had to face so far this year was going through a breakup. For those of you who have followed along with my blog or instagram or even perhaps know me personally, you know that I considered this a pretty serious relationship (emphasis on the “I”) anyway the future was discussed on more than one occasion and brought up by both of us just about the same amount of times until February. In February it mostly felt like I was the only one still interested in starting our future together within the next 2 years. As you can probably guess, when one person wants something the other person is in no rush for and you can’t see eye to eye or come to an agreement on an issue (marriage) it’s easy for careless comments to be tossed around and the stress of arguing naturally puts a strain on the relationship. Such was the case with us.
Ever since February, when I could sense we were not exactly on the same page with marriage, I began to pray “Lord, I do not want to lose him. I love him. But if he is not the one for me, though it will crush me now, please take him from me.” For months, we discussed “taking time apart” or “breaking up” but I was never strong enough to let go. In my mind and in my heart I had committed myself to not giving up on him or us.” I stumbled across this prayer on pinterest that says “ Forgive me Lord for picking up what I have already laid down at your feet.” And that is exactly what I was doing. Though my prayer day after day was “Lord, show me your will, whatever it may be.” I couldn’t give up on him or on us. I felt too invested. The Lord stepped in early June and pried the relationship from my strong grasp by having him break up with me. Such sweet and loving-kindness that I didn’t realize right away. We have an amazing Father who wants to give us immeasurably more than we could ask or imagine!
It was a tough summer. Even though I knew the Lord was in control and at the center of it all I couldn’t help but be saddened thinking about all of the times spent together over the past year (a few days short of officially being a year) and all of the times hoped for in the future that were now gone.
What I can tell you all from my experience is that heartbreak is so real and it is definitely not easy to navigate but those that hope and trust in the Lord can take comfort knowing that God does not withhold anything good from those who love him and that he works ALL things (yes, even what causes us temporary pain) for our ultimate good!
I take comfort and find joy in knowing that if God’s plan is for me to be married then he will put the desire in my man’s heart to pursue me and only me and that the unending happiness I will share with him will be inexpressible and incomparable to the temporary happiness I have found in any other relationship.
And I know that I don’t have to stress out about finding a man. I definitely don’t want to be the person in charge on that mission! I want God to be! After all who knows your heart better than the one who created it? And who knows what time is best for you than the one who has seen your journey from beginning to end and still walks with you day by day? The who and when along with everything else I will gladly entrust to God!
I wanted to share with you all some books that I have read and reread and I’m sure I will read again because they are just that good! The words in them are seriously just like a healing balm for the heart.
Trusting God in a Twisted World – Elisabeth Elliot
What’s a Girl to do? – Janet Folger
Boy Meets Girl – Joshua Harris
Breaking Free – Beth Moore
What I also know is this…the heart is VERY vulnerable after a breakup. Satan will try to use whatever tools he can to reach into your mind and make you feel that God has forgotten you or that you will always be alone etc. And if it works with you he will continue to use it on you - so stop him in his tracks and speak truth over yourself. The Lord loves you and sees you. He has gone before you and has felt every emotion we could face. And I am convinced none of us will ever feel the degree of abandonment that he did as he underwent excruciating pain and suffering on the cross to become sin for us. When Satan tell us no one will ever love us that’s a lie – Jesus loves us! (enough to die for us and save us) and because he loves us and wants what’s best for us we can take comfort with trusting him (if it’s his plan for us) to provide us with a spouse on this earth. When we give God our relationships and ask for him to intervene if it is His will – we can know that we are not settling for anything less than God’s best!